Unconventional Offer for Adventurous Home Owner (Vancouver) – “This is the only way you will ever have your pet dinosaur, and the only way I will ever be able to acquire a house in Vancouver.”

Thanks to all readers who have forwarded us the following ad from craigslist:
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vancouver, BC craigslist > vancouver > housing > real estate wanted
Unconventional Offer for Adventurous Home Owner (Vancouver)
Date: 2011-06-26, 8:16PM PDT
Reply to: hous-wxb6b-2464265874@craigslist.org

This offer is not for everyone. Those of you who have saved every penny for most of your life to afford a down payment and currently work around the clock to make mortgage payments, I commend you on your efforts, but this post is not for you.

Do you own more than one property? Do you have so many rental homes with no mortgage payments, yet you still feel unfulfilled? Tired of your illegal tenants whining that there are rats in the walls? Have you always wanted your own dinosaur? Now is your chance my friend.

In exchange for one of your properties, I will be your personal dinosaur for one year. I will be at your beck and call, 24 hours a day, wearing a dinosaur costume. The type of dinosaur is negotiable. I can babysit your children (references upon request), scare the mailman, wash dishes, entertain and impress your guests, and much more. (No sex stuff though, sorry.) I will make realistic dinosaur sounds, eat what the particular dinosaur eats and maybe even sit on a fake dinosaur egg, if you are so inclined. I am well educated, fluent in English and French (as well as dinosaur), can play several musical instruments and have no criminal record or outstanding warrants.

All this and more. This is the only way you will ever have your pet dinosaur, and the only way I will ever be able to acquire a house in Vancouver.
Serious offers only please.
Thank you.

PostingID: 2464265874

20 responses to “Unconventional Offer for Adventurous Home Owner (Vancouver) – “This is the only way you will ever have your pet dinosaur, and the only way I will ever be able to acquire a house in Vancouver.”

  1. I would only take up this offer if I have a leaker that I can’t wait to unload before the special assessments come down. Even then it is not a sure thing.

  2. This guy might find a spot guarding a meth lab or grow op. A guy in a dinosaur costume might draw attention though.

  3. Hipster – aka jackass. Heard her on CBC this evening, arghh!!!!

    • Awwww sheeeeeat.

      That’s all the city needs: hipsters. Wait what? They’re already here and buying real estate?

      Awwww sheeeeeat.

      • we must stop the Investor-Hipster-In-Migration Program!

        STAY IN ONTARIO, YOU FUCKING UNIRONIC POSEURS!

        we must stop the invasion

      • Word, derp. Governments should legislate everyone watching Degrassi Junior High to understand how dumb certain hats look. Oh and a thick-rimmed “spectacle tax”.

        I have lots of other ideas.

      • ah i believe you mean a tax on thick rimmed spectacles WITH NON PRESCRIPTION lenses only

        oh and shitty tattoos – lots and lots of shitty expensive tattoos.

        last night while waiting for the bus i saw a drunken latino gangster stumble across hastings street and yell at some girls “LADIES ALL WISH THEY HAD A MAN WID AS MUCH INK AS DIS!!”

        “like, omigawd! wait up!” 😉

    • Eww, i’m not a hipster! They wear ironic tshirts (or possibly plaid, both of which are atrocious in my option), drink PBR and have an inflated sense of self worth. Many also seem to have trust funds, which my boyfriend and I, hard-working artists, clearly do not. I have been called many things since our post became so popular, but hipster is the first one I have found insulting.

      Our offer was merely done as a joke that many people have apparently related to. I hope you wouldn’t be so rude if we ran into each other in person.

    • Is a she? I always thought it was a dude from the ad posting. Was she at least hot? Not that it matters given the way the ad is stated.

    • Pssst…. They’re closer than you think, Derp/VREAA…

      First they establish an ex-urban beachhead, then, their forces consolidated and ‘supply-lines’ established… HipzterKrieg!

      You could always try ‘blowing’ the bridges… but I suspect it may already be too late.

      http://tinyurl.com/3baddl6

    • There was a valiant defense to hold them off, but in the final battle the good people of Portland went down.

  4. Thanks for the education.
    Aren’t there already lots of ‘hipsters’ in Van?

  5. you are already our personal dinosaur. You rent our homes, pay our mortgages, maintain our suites and buildings, call us when the unit needs repairs, etc. You help make us wealthy, and you pay us 10K+/year for this honour. The best part about this dear dinosaur, is that you are in no danger of becoming extinct thanks to sites like this that encourage your survival.

    • Thanks Rusty/Eyes/Dude. Now I better insight into myself.

      BTW – I haven’t seen any of your updates on westside detached sales/listing on the other forums lately. I thought perhaps you have been too busy keeping tabs on your real estate empire, so let me help you out. No need to thank me.

      http://www.yattermatters.com/2011/08/changing-conversation/#more-25714

      As a renter, I’m obviously not very good at math. So in return perhaps you can help me out: How do I calculate the months of inventory and percent change in the average and medians? Much obliged.

    • I’m always happy to pay a fair market price. It’s a win-win situation.

      • Agree, in normal times it’s a win-win situation: Landlords supply housing, gaining modest cash flow and price appreciation that keeps up with inflation; Renters get shelter at market rates.
        In current Vancouver scenario: Landlords subsidize their tenants each and every month (negative cashflow) AND get to speculate that prices will continue to increase at supra-normal rates; Renters get shelter at market rates.
        It’s an excellent time to be a renter.

    • blah blah blah

      i am your better

      you are scum

      etc etc

      kill the poor

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